family

I married Crohn’s disease.

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My husband, Dontae, has crohn’s disease.

Crohn’s is a big part of our lives. My husband was diagnosed about 4 years ago. For the longest time we didn’t (well, he didn’t; it’s his body) know what was wrong with him. He would ALWAYS be in pain sometimes to the point where he would be in the fetal position on our bathroom floor. The pain and the in & out of the bathroom has been happening for years.

We  needed to figure out what was wrong so we made an appointment with my husbands doctor and he referred us to a gastroenterologist. So picture this: in we walk into this small office filled with noticeably older people (full on grey). So we were definitely questioning whether we were in the right place or not. The doctor calls him (I go back too because you know I had to be all up in the business) and my husband tells him about what has been going on for the past few years.

I remember to Dr. looking skeptical and a bit surprised because Dontae is young (about 24 years old at the time). The Dr. told us that Dontae would have to get a colonoscopy done so that they can take a better look. 3 Colonoscopy’s and multiple Dr. visits later still no diagnosis but Dontae was still suffering. So before the 4th colonoscopy the Dr. had Dontae swallow a pill-like camera (technology has come a looonngg way) to get a better look. I not sure how many days he had the camera in but it was more than one day. The camera is what led to a diagnosis for crohn’s disease. THANK GOODNESS we finally had a name for the pain.

4 years later and we are still searching for the right medicine to help him with his flare ups because the only thing that offers relief is weed (which has it’s own stigma but i’ll save that for another time). Being married to someone with crohn’s disease is not easy. I don’t want you to think that I’m looking for a pity party, I just want to share my experiences. Some days I feel like it’s taking over both of our lives. It has affected us financially and mentally and psychically for him. The mornings are the worse for him. If he isn’t vomiting, hes dry heaving, if he isn’t dry heaving then he has terrible diarrhea (sorry, TMI) or all of the above.

I watch him suffer…. I offer water but mostly all I can do is watch or hear him suffer. I feel so helpless.  I hate watching someone I love be in so much pain. I used to suggest we go to the doctors but honestly that just started to annoy him because he feels like nothing works so what’s the point. This diseases makes it hard for him to hold a job due to having to come in late some days or call off when he is having a flare up. Jobs care for about the first week after finding out that he has crohns disease but then they realize that he is replaceable and they replace him.

I know that this sounds insensitive but if I’m not feeling hopeless then I feel angry. I feel angry because we can never leave on time, we get behind on bills, and the pain makes him irritable, and he doesn’t want to go back to the Dr. for the fear of another colonoscopy that doesn’t show anything. At this point we are facing a brick wall and don’t know how to get through. The good thing is that my husband and I are very open with each other so I’ve expressed all of my feelings with him, even the negative ones.

I think that crohns disease isn’t taken that serious especially for young adults. I’m sharing this with you all to spread awareness to show that diseases like crohns disease not only affects the person dealing with it but also loved ones.

Thank you for stopping by.

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