family

A letter to my husband..

Dear Dontae,

Today, on our three year anniversary I can’t help but to reflect on our time together….

I remember first seeing you. I was in 8th grade and you and some others came from your h.s (Maritime) to preform a military drill. You were different than the guys I would normally go for. As you know I grew up in the hood and always saw myself with a street, pants sagging, semi gang banger but that’s probably because that’s the type of guys I was used to seeing. There you were in this fitted khaki uniform with a boat like hat, with pretty eyes and scrumptious lips. I wanted to say something to you but I was scary shy back then. I figured we would cross paths again since I went to school with your brothers. 

I wasn’t supposed to go to the same highschool as you. I was late applying to schools and ended up going to Maritime by mistake (or Maybe it was fate). One day a friend and I were be talking on the phone with your brother and you got on the phone 😍. You started telling me that you had high rank at the school and that you would make me do push ups if I didn’t guess your favorite color. I ended up guessing that it was green with some hints from you. 

During my freshman year we didn’t communicate often. The only time I really saw you was when I was leaving Spanish class and you were coming to it. I remember I was leaving class one day and you asked me for my number in which I happily obliged 😉. It’s funny we always debate about who “bagged” who and this will be the first and only time that I will admit that you bagged me (you happy? lol). 

We started talking on the phone for hours and would some times fall asleep on the phone. We were just as friends initially but the more I talked to you the more I liked you. Your personality was amazing and you always had me laughing. By this time I started going to another school. We were talking on the phone for months and months before you actually came over. I was so nervous but my fast ass snuck you into my room. That was the first of many “sneak in’s” on both our parts. Of course we had sex and I remember thinking “oh he handsome and got good dick, I’m going to have to hold on to him”. We even made a sex pact 😂. 

Then everything turned for the worse… I got pregnant. We both got scared and we panicked. We lashed out at each other. It tore us apart. It got so bad that we stop speaking to each other. After I lost the baby I started to hate you for not giving me the support I needed and I hated myself for still loving you. After about a year of no contact you sent me a message on Myspace. I didn’t know if I should respond because I was working so hard on trying to forget about you. I eventually responded with a hate fueled message and you replied telling me how sorry and scared you were. 

It took time but we eventually got on decent speaking terms again and kind of sorta rekindled things. The next few years were spent fighting, fucking, loving each other, not trusting other, and spending time apart from each other. We had some great and some bad times. I was growing tired of our situationship and asked you what we were doing and where were we going. You told me that you didn’t want to fully commit because you was scared you would hurt me too bad but that you wanted your first kid by age 25. I guess that was your no expectations, no pressure approach. I thought that was the dumbest fucking answer and thought to myself that we wouldn’t last because I wasn’t waiting around. At the time I was 20 and you were 22.  Remember after an argument in my dorm room, I was crying and begging you to leave me alone? I couldn’t understand why you couldn’t commit but yet didn’t want me to go anywhere. I knew I couldn’t quit on you cold turkey and figured this would help you quit on me. You didn’t.

We carried on in our situationship but I started to grow distant. Remember when we got into that HUGE argument? We stopped talking for a year and I even got your initials covered up ( thank goodness you didn’t cover mine). During that year I tried to get over you but my mistake was that I was talking to people that reminded me of you which only made me Miss you more. You also had a girlfriend that moved in with you which really hurt me low key. I remember telling you if  you  ever  got her pregnant that you would  never speak to or see me ever again. We eventually got back on speaking terms and started to build some what of a friendship. We got the point where we could talk about the other people in our lives to each other (but not too much though lol). 

Then one day you tell me that you and your girlfriend broke up and that you wanted to try to see if we could be together. I think you expected me to be happy but I had finally got to a point where I was content with us not being “us” but you being the persistent person that you are didn’t give up. We started hanging out more and you were always spending time at my house and of course my feelings came back. One day we decided to move in with each other and give this committed relationship thing a try. We gave each other a month to get rid of any other people that we were talking to. 

It was like meeting new you. A more mature, grown ass man you. This time around you showed me how serious you wanted us to work out. You even got me a promise ring. 

Every thing was amazing. Not perfect but we will never be. You treated me like a Queen and our love grew like crazy.

One day you told me that you wanted to have a baby and we got pregnant rather quickly. You were determined to make up for lost time with our first pregnancy that you were at EVERY doctors appointment and was with me every step of the way. You actually annoyed me because you touched my stomach so much.

You proposed to me at the baby shower and it was one of the best days of my life. My cheeks hurted from smiling so much that day. All of my friends and family got to witness how much we loved each other. 

It’s funny because you actually did have your first kid at 25 lol and you got to name him Achilles which was the name you always loved since you were younger. Watching you be a father only made me love and respect you more. 

Remember when I was stressing about having a wedding because I knew it would be years before I could afford the wedding that I really wanted? You grabbed me and said “man I don’t care about none of that shit, I just want you to be my wife”. Two weeks later we went down to the court house and got married. 

We didn’t tell many people (sorry family, it was sudden and out of love. We will have a official ceremony eventually). Our relationship is filled with spur of the moment events. Our love just continued to grow. 

We have moved States twice and been through so many trials and tribulations but through it all we always have each other. We Know that if we don’t have anyone else we have each other.

 We, well you, decided it was time to expand our family. God blessed us with a beautiful baby girl. Which is so funny because you literally prayed not to have a girl (scared of karma? Lol). You two now have the best and cutest relationship. She has you tied around her tiny fingers and she can’t do wrong in your eyes. 

You helped mold me into the woman that I am today. You showed me what unconditional love feels like. You encourage me to be the best me possible. You let me know that it’s ok to be me. Im happy that we went through everything that we went through because I believe it made us the strong unit we are today. Baby you are my king and I’ll do whatever to see you smile. I can’t explain the love I feel with every kiss and touch from you. You made me a mother and a wife! You wipe my tears and kiss away my pain. We aren’t picture perfect but we’re worth the picture still. I love you so much and look forward to growing old and wrinkled together. 

With ever lasting love,

Your Sweet cheeks aka chocolate.  

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