It’s not like I never believed in postpartum depression. I just never really understood it until it happened to me. I never understood how a woman can be sad in such a joyful moment. Then again, at the time I didn’t have any children so how could I understand?
When I had my son it was most definitely one of the happiest days of my life. Once I got home and the new excitement wore off and motherhood set in and it was a different story. I was still happy but I would find myself still being sad for what I thought was no reason. I mean I have this baby that I adore but I couldn’t shake the sadness.
I remember one time in particular. It was a nice day, actually it was a really nice day. I was sitting in the passenger seat and the whole time all I kept doing was pick myself apart in my head. I thought about EVERYTHING that I didn’t like about myself or my surroundings and fixated on it. I thought about it so long that I actually started to cry. I mean UGLY cry. My poor husband was so confused. After all, I was just fine moments before. He asked me what was wrong and I literally didn’t have a reason.
This happened on and off for a little bit. Then one day my husband said to me in a concerned but loving voice ” baby, I think you have symptoms of postpartum depression”. You know what’s funny about that? I’m the one who when to school for psychology and postpartum depression was something I had dismissed while I was pregnant. I genuinely thought that a mother HAD to hate or have negative feelings towards her baby to be diagnosed with postpartum depression. I LOVED my baby and actually felt happier while holding him. It was only when I wasn’t around the baby that I felt sad.
That night I though about what my husband said and decided to talk to my doctor. The doctor asked questions and agreed that I had symptoms of postpartum depression. She never fully gave me a diagnoses but wanted me to keep communication open with the doctors office and let them know if I felt worse in the coming days.
I felt better now that I had an idea of what was going on with me. I started to think about things that might be in my power to change that would help me during “down” times. I am a person that overthinks EVERYTHING so I had to actively distract or change my thought process at times.
Fortunately I had an AMAZING support system that kept me grounded. Over time I started to feel better and adjusted to motherhood. As woman we tend to overdo ourselves. We are AMAZING and our what are bodies can do is TRULY MAGICAL but that doesn’t mean that it’s all sprinkles and sunshine. It’s OK to admit that you are overwhelmed or just not yourself. It’s OK to take a step back to regroup. It’s OK to talk to someone about your feelings. You are NOT a failure or what ever else stupid labels society may put out there.
As always thanks for stopping by…